11:30 AM. Just started on some dessert pizza at Mr Gaddy's in Frisco, Texas. Had a pretty good size job going on the roof of the Sports Authority just across Preston Road. I got a text from my brother Craig - can you talk?
I looked at my helper Randy and made the comment that this is bad news, as Craig seldom initiates an opportunity to chat on the phone. I stepped out of the noisy dining room and called Craig. The message was that Dad had taken a turn for the worse, and we needed to make our way to Guthrie.
I cut our dessert short, and took Randy back to the job. I left him there, with all my tools still on the roof. I called my boss, told him I was leaving and let him figure it out from there.
I never knew the cumbersome service van could handle so well. I threw out the company policy of driving courteous and within the speed limit. I had to get home and get Inga so we could get to Dad's.
12:30 PM. I was just East of Forney. Craig called.
12:45 PM. I walked in the back door of our house. Inga, 7 months pregnant, was there to greet me. I embraced her. She made the comment that my heart was racing. I delivered the worst news I have ever given anyone. Dad had died.
At that moment, while I was still shocked and sad, I fell deeper in love with my wife. To see the way her heart was broken and how she wept at the news was, incredibly, a great comfort to me. Holding my pregnant wife while she wept and I could only stare into nothingness is a moment I will never forget. Our world was shattered.
We held a great level of excitement to see Dad with his grandson. We imagined all the laughs that each other would get from the other. And we realized we would never see that dream fulfilled.
As I have thought about this upcoming day, I have tried to compose some way to put my thoughts and feelings into a written form. How do you write of the sorrow? How do you write of the disappointment? How do you write of the loneliness? How do you describe your world crashing down? How do you describe the mixture of immediate sorrow and the impending joy soon to follow? I cannot. There are no words I know to describe how I am filled with joy as I watch my son, yet I feel a twinge of sorrow that my parents will never know him. I am saddened that he will know his grandaddy only through stories and pictures.
There is no doubt this has not been an easy year without Dad. I miss our conversations on my drive home. I miss the opportunity to call him and share the newest goofy thing his grandson has done. I wish I could talk to him and find out more about my babyhood. But, as I struggle with the emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects of losing Dad, I also realize how extremely blessed we were to have such a wonderful role model for a parent. I look back on how he was always capable and willing to admit he did something wrong. I admire the fact that he never backed down from hard work, yet he had time to play with and teach Craig and me. I am extremely thankful for the short conversation we had after hi s heart attack when I was able to look him in the eye and honestly say that there was no unresolved issues between us. Dad taught us how a man should be strong, yet not afraid to show affection to his family.
There are 3 items, however, that I will always be incredibly thankful for. The first is that Dad patterned how we should be as Christians, and taught us the importance of having Christ in our lives. He taught us how to pray, and why. By being the attentive and loving father he was, he was able to demonstrate the way that God loves us, His children.
The next 2 are contained in a repeat of an early post, from July 6, 2009. It never hurts to recycle. On July 6, 2009, I wrote:
I think every man in the world wants to leave a legacy to his children. The question is - what kind of legacy will we leave? In a church bulletin recently, there was a quotation about what we leave our children, and the best thing we can leave is a good name. Dad left us that good name, and now my son can carry on that name with no shame. He can proudly say to people that knew Dad "My name is Stanley Keltan Blaine Dickson, grandson of Stanley Elbert Dickson" and never have to hang his head or want to hide. Thank you, Dad, for that legacy for Keltan. It is truly the best gift any grandparent can give.
Dad also left another legacy, perhaps without realizing what he was doing at the time. Inga and I were so deeply in debt that it was affecting our marriage. He introduced us to the The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey, and our world changed. We can now say we have changed our family tree. We paid off our debts and put our marriage back on track. Now we have a beautiful result. God truly does reward those that follow His will. We can now pass this way of living down to Keltan, and hopefully one day he will pass it down to his children. May he nor any of his descendants be plagued by the curse of crushing debt! Again, thank you Dad.
Dad, on the 1 year anniversary of your passing into Eternal Life, we say a prayer of thanksgiving for your life, and we continue to grieve at your absence. We love you, Dad.
